*10.* Here’s my chance to let all the air out of Brad’s coach’s tires for implying HMS is playing fast and loose with the rules.
*9.* If I hurry, I can get my favorite window seat on the Hendrick plane!
*8.* If Junior doesn’t win, they can’t say I didn’t do my part…
*10.* Rick Hendrick will donate a small percentage of Dale, Jr’s winnings…in exchange for possible future Presidential Pardons
*9.* Jamie McMurray will appear on stage and pull a rabbit out of Mitt Romney’s as….er, hat.
*8.* Felix Sabates will allow all future campaign slogans to use his name, i.e. ‘Romney and Ryan (with Felix Sabates)
*10.* MOPAR engines only work their best when fully carbureted. Screw this fuel injection crap, we’re outta here!
*9.* Tired of incessant comparisons to “Dodge-Em” bumper cars every stinking time someone used the chrome horn.
*8.* “NASCAR? We don’t need no stinking NASCAR!”
*7.* Top execs running the company DO have ADHD–we’re in! We’re out! We’re in again! We’re out!–and were afraid they too would test positive for Adderall.
*10.* Loop-de-loop that doubles as Turn 4. We know it can be done after “Tanner Foust and Greg Tracy did it at the X Games!”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0Y8tmRYYiA
*9.* Giant sinkhole placed on the outside groove of the Tunnel Turn. Hey, it’s the drivers’ fault for saying it’s gotten too easy!
*8.* Pace car replaced by herd of local deer. Cars must follow regardless of where they wind up.
*7.* Blindfold the leader every 50 laps and see just how good his spotter really is.
*10.* Positive; AJ is suspended indefinitely or until Brian France feels he’s “learned his lesson.
*9.* Negative; AJ is instantly re-instated, throws a huge party with noted guests Dale, Jr. and Shane Hmiel, and is invited by Brian to provide samples ‘A’ and ‘B’ The Sequel.
*8.* Negative; NASCAR asserts that the samples were tampered with and suspends AJ anyway.
*7.* Positive; AJ accepts his fate, along with a HUGE payoff from Penske and Ford, retires to mountain villa with his wife allowing Matt Kenseth to take over the #22 Ford.
*10.* I’m not even a month old and already I’ve got an offer to replace the E-Trade baby in this year’s Super Bowl commercial
*9.* No, Dad, actually I doubt I’ll be ready to run the Legends race at Daytona this February.
*8.* Do you get frequent flyer miles if your dad owns the plane? Hello Cancun!
*7.* If you cry long enough eventually Dad will but Budweiser in your bottle… #Imontothem
10. Brad Keselowski’s dash-mounted beer injection system.
10. Signed autographs for members of the Level Cross Volunteer Fire Company after they tried lighting the candles on his cake.
6. Charlie Sheen and his new show on FX, Anger Management.
8. Controversy arose when NASCAR didn’t throw a caution for the huge oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.