F1 Midweek: Flavio Briatore, Alpine’s Disgrace In The Hole

Alpine recently named Formula 1 bad boy and sometime outcast Flavio Briatore as executive advisor. If you live under a rock and/or are oblivious to earthshaking F1 controversies of yesteryear, then maybe you didn’t hear about it. If you did hear about it, and have a modicum of ethical standards, then you were probably appalled by the development. 

There was surprisingly very little protest when Alpine announced that Briatore was (re-)joining the organization on June 21st. It appeared Briatore was welcomed back to F1 with open arms. Which is the exact opposite of what you’d expect since he was dragged away from the sport with his arms exactly the opposite of open: held close together by handcuffs.

Save for the last two races (Alpine placed ninth and 10th in both the Canadian and Spanish GPs), Alpine has been in shambles this season. Outside of those two races, Alpine has scored only two points. Their drivers, Pierre Gasly and Esteban Ocon, barely tolerate each other. Ocon’s erratic driving and equally erratic behavior have pushed Alpine to seek his replacement. Money invested in the team from the likes of Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney has failed to make an impact. Reynolds and McElhenney are, of course, the men behind the reality show “Welcome To Wrexham.” The joke in the Alpine paddock is that the Alpine engine builders and Ocon should have their own reality show called “We Build ‘Em, He Wrexham.”

In any case, Alpine needed radical change. And hiring Briatore, whose rap sheet includes two cheating scandals (one when he was managing director at Benetton (also backed by Renault) in 1994, and the other the infamous race-fixing scandal that took place at the 2008 Singapore Grand Prix, when Briatore ‘allegedly’ asked Nelson Piquet, Jr. to deliberately crash in order to help Renault teammate Fernando Alonso) was indeed radical. The latter scandal earned Briatore a lifetime ban from F1 – or maybe not.  

Keep in mind, before Briatore even ventured into F1, he was convicted of multiple counts of fraud and sentenced to several years in prison. But instead of serving his time like a dignified felon, Briatore flew the coop to the Virgin Islands and lived a plush life as a fugitive.   

For some reason, the legal system seems to view Briatore in a sympathetic light. He was able to return to the EU from the Virgin Islands courtesy of a favorable amnesty ruling, which also deemed him “rehabilitated” and expunged all criminal charges. Obviously, he was not rehabilitated because he later elevated his crimes to race fixing, as well as numerous allegations of using illegal traction control software and illegal fuel valves.

And Briatore’s “lifetime” ban? There are some lifetimes it lasted, just not his. In 2010, he sued the FIA, and a French court ruled in his favor, overturning the lifetime ban. The FIA appealed the ban, but the two parties later reached an out-of-court settlement. One would think the FIA would have the best lawyers money could buy, but no. They lost the case, then apparently realized their appeal would fail, hence the out-of-court settlement. That was not a good look for the FIA; but also, Briatore joining Alpine is not a good look for the FIA.  

Briatore is not good at what he does. What he does is cheat and commit various forms of fraud. He’s not good at these things because he almost always gets caught. I say “almost always” because Briatore cheats so much that he’s bound to have gotten away with something. But you can’t consider yourself a good cheater if you are caught cheating more times than not. That being said, Briatore is good at avoiding punishment for his crimes. In his mind, and in the eyes of some courts, he didn’t even commit those crimes. So, how can F1 keep him out of the sport? They can’t.

Since his lifetime ban was overturned, F1 can’t legally prevent Briatore from the sport. But Alpine, using just the minimum amount of dignity, could have chosen not to employ Briatore and hired another person who is eminently more qualified not to cheat or swindle your grandmother. 

Piquet, Jr. was never banned from F1 for his part in “Crashgate,” but never set foot in F1 after that. Piquet certainly would have gladly returned to the sport had he been wanted, but no team or organization would touch him with a proverbial ten-foot pole. Alpine’s pole, however, seems much shorter. 

What exactly does Alpine stand to gain by associating with Briatore? Whatever strategic or technical acumen he brings is more than canceled out by Briatore’s shady background. Maybe Briatore links Alpine to their storied past when they won world championships in 2005 and 2006 with Alonso (who refused to comment on “Crashgate” or this column). And maybe Alpine thinks Briatore can rekindle the magic (if that’s what you call it) that lifted Renault to the top of the sport under Briatore’s supervision. And I guess Alpine is okay with the baggage. For Alpine, Briatore is a “friend with benefits of the doubt.” 

I’m sure other teams are pleased that Briatore is with Alpine, as F1 teams are always looking for an edge; those edges aren’t always reached by following the rules to an extent. It’s no secret that cheating is common in F1. Actually, there is a secret—it’s not getting caught. Let’s say, for example, that F1 accuses Kick Sauber of cheating in some form or fashion. Of course, they would plead ignorance, but not before telling F1, “You do know Flavio Briatore works for Alpine. He may be the most accomplished cheater in F1. Get off our backs.”  

Outside of the times he’s been caught cheating and defending himself in court, Briatore has lived a charmed life. Some people in power think Briatore deserves second, third, fourth, fifth, etc. chances. Who could those people be? And that brings us to the subject of reptilian shapeshifters. If there is a cabal of those beings using dark money and mind control to further a nefarious agenda, then Briatore is definitely connected to them, and he should sincerely thank them for pulling strings on his behalf. 

Briatore is a man who wears many hats:  Fraudster. Charlatan. Playboy. Businessman. Restaurateur. Scumbag. Shyster. Defendant. Felon. Technical director. Fugitive. Mastermind. Idiot. Executive advisor. Add to that list “walking stain on the sport.”