10. Two-and-a-Half-Hour Energy Drink for half the year. That’s pretty much all they can afford for a guy like Steven.
9. Fifty Cent Colonel, a halfly-owned subsidiary of Dollar General.
8. The Crash Test Dummies’ latest album.
7. Rogaine, for all the hair that needs regrowing once his competitors get the shaft in a few more “I didn’t mean to do it” wrecks.
6. Beano. (Not to be used at fuel-mileage tracks!)
5. The law firm of Winken, Blinken & Nod.
4. Here’s an idea … take Steven out and put Reed Sorenson in the car.
3. Let Dad Rusty pay the bills. Oh, wait, he already is … no wonder Steven still has a job!
2. The Nationwide Series (along with a dozen other cars). That way, they’ll actually have a division left to sponsor in 2012.
1. Danica Patrick. Hey, she needs someone to still get mad at every week!