Race Weekend Central

Top 10 Reasons Michael Waltrip Won’t Retire

10. Ken Schrader hasn’t, why should Mikey?

9. Because he’s in love with himself and can’t stand to hear anything but the sound of his own voice. Oh wait, that’s his brother.

8. Because there just aren’t enough wrecks without him.

7. In our best Richard Gere voice from An Officer and a Gentleman – I got nowhere else to go!!!

6. As long as there are restrictor plates, there’s a place for drivers who can’t use brakes.

5. Because his brother Darrell needs someone other than Dale Jr. and Kyle Busch to be biased towards.

4. He has to have some reason for NAPA to keep him in their commercials.

3. Can’t afford to now that Buffy probably owns half of his half of MWR.

2. Like Sammy Hagar, he just can’t drive 55.

1. Because as long as restrictor plates are still used, there’s always a chance at Daytona 500 victory number three!

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