Race Weekend Central

Voices From the Heartland: Women Should Have Their Own NASCAR Series

Lately, so I am told, there has been talk about women stock car drivers having their own series. To be honest with you, the first I ever heard of it was during our Mirror Driving roundtable this past week.

To be even more brutally honest, I think that those who even bring up such an idea…

We interrupt this insignificant article for the following announcement……

Are you a longtime NASCAR fan? Have you ever felt that you were “out of touch?” How you ever suffered from “What the Fu*k: syndrome?

Brianfranceitis is no laughing matter. Thousands, perhaps millions, suffer from this disease and may not even be aware. Have you ever been exposed to such statements as:

“Obviously, the competition has never been better. That’s been brewing in terms of going in the right direction for a number of months, dating back well into last year where, as you know, we made a number of changes in the new car, which is not a new car anymore, but to get the car racing as good as we possibly can.” Or…

“We’re going to work on those, not get too excited or too down. I look at the interest level of the sport and that’s growing after having peaked and maybe dropped back a little bit for some reasons a couple years ago.”

If you are a NASCAR fan, and you have been exposed to such statements, you may, or may not, be entitled to a large cash settlement.

The law firm of Dewy, Skruem & Howe, wants to hear from you if you have ever been exposed to anything said by Brian France.

Symptoms may include extreme confusion, befuddlement, headache, unusual apathy and the tendency to re-read what you thought you just read.

Exposure to Brianfranceitis may cause you to become a casual fan. Brianfranceitis has been identified since 2003 as a deadly disease and may cause you to lose all interest in all things that turn left.

Exposure to Brianfranceitis may entitle you to a large non-cash settlement. The offices of Dewy, Skruem & Howe are actually former NASCAR attorneys and we are relatively sure that we can get money from someone.

If you are a NASCAR fan or a NASCAR fan resides in your household, you may be eligible for compensation.

“We have been a sport that’s tried to build continuity around that. A lot of other motorsports, that’s not necessarily so important. With us, it is. Then you look at the broader sports calendar, the notable big events that we’re always looking at: the Masters, obviously the Super Bowl, other major events throughout the year that you want to make sure that you’re putting your events in the right place as to get everybody the most room to be successful that you can.

It’s all those factors. And the last point would be we have some limits as to moving dates around beyond even the continuity of events, which we’ve changed when we’ve had to. There are seasonality issues. You can’t run a race in Phoenix, Ariz., in July. You’re not running Cincinnati in February. On and on it goes. There’s a lot of things that have to go into making up the ideal schedule.”

How many times did you have to read that? Did you think that something was wrong with you? You weren’t quite understanding what was being said? No, it is not you!

Millions of others have been exposed to Brianfraceitis since 2003 and the effects are too big to be ignored.

The lawless offices of Dewy, Skruem & Howe are here to fight for you.

If you suffer from symptoms such as extreme apathy, doing honey-do lists you normally wouldn’t do on a Sunday afternoon, forgetting that you actually own NASCAR t-shirts, feelings of abandonment and generally not giving a shit of all things NASCAR, you may entitled to a large, non-cash settlement!

Call the lawless offices of Dewy, Skruem & Howe now, to feel like you are getting some satisfaction, if nothing else.

If you call now, your name will be added to a list of millions that Brian France has no clue even exists.

At Dewy, Skreum & Howe, we feel you have enough to worry about, WE’LL deal with NASCAR, you just sit back and enjoy!

(I am a non-attorney, paid spokesperson)

So if you are going to have an all women’s racing series… here’s hoping someone has the foresight to give them automatic transmissions!!!

Stay off the wall, (but file your suit!!!)

Jeff Meyer

About the author

The Frontstretch Staff is made up of a group of talented men and women spread out all over the United States and Canada. Residing in 15 states throughout the country, plus Ontario, and widely ranging in age, the staff showcases a wide variety of diverse opinions that will keep you coming back for more week in and week out.

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