Race Weekend Central

Top 10 Uses for NASCAR CoT Wings Now

With the CoT wing now a thing of the past effective this weekend at Martinsville, what will NASCAR do with all of this extra equipment left over?

10. All wings to be promptly shipped down to Guantanamo Bay to be used for waterboar… err… uhh… surfing. Yeah… that’s it… surfing.

9. End plates can be used as earmuffs for President Obama, blocking out deafening boos from protesters as he goes on the road touting merits of the new healthcare bill.

8. One wing will remain in the field, affixed to the No. 48 car, in a vain attempt to give somebody else a shot to win the rest of the year.

7. Ryan Newman to build entry for Red Bull Flugtag competition using pair of CoT wings, unicycle and one of Mike Helton’s old sport coats.

6. Will be handed out as pre-race souvenirs to fans prior to Aaron’s 499 at Talladega next month, anticipating Dale Earnhardt Jr.‘s breakthrough win. What could possibly go wrong?

5. Denny Hamlin to build A-Team-esque barricade around right side of his car with old wings, allowing him to blow tires and bounce off walls with impunity.

4. Kenny Wallace to fashion hat out of CoT wing, wear it at public events, point at it and laugh manically. You think I’m joking… just watch.

3. Carl Edwards and Brad Keselowski to settle differences in steel-cage match, armed only with obsolete NASCAR devices. Edwards will have CoT wing-wearing cool suit, while Keselowski wields the Humpy Bumper, clad in Hutchens straps.

2. Greg Biffle to replace rearview mirror in 3M Ford with CoT wing. Since his helmet radio seems to not work when being passed for position, he need not bother with those pesky mirrors, either.

1. Wings melted down into molten metal slurry, used to patch holes that develop in superspeedways during major events – you know, like the Daytona 500 or something.

About the author

Vito is one of the longest-tenured writers at Frontstretch, joining the staff in 2007. With his column Voice of Vito (monthly, Fridays) he’s a contributor to several other outlets, including Athlon Sports and Popular Speed in addition to making radio appearances. He forever has a soft-spot in his heart for old Mopars and presumably oil-soaked cardboard in his garage.

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