10. Jimmie Johnson wins the now totally worthless Bud Shootout, is crowned 2009 Cup champion after the race and Brian France cancels the rest of the meaningless season in his ultimate plan to cut costs for the rest of the teams.
9. The rest of the world finally realizes that I am right and recognizes NASCAR for what it has become – IROC with a lot of non-champions.
8. Mark Martin kicks Johnson’s ass! On the track and off!
7. Bill Weber develops season long lock-jaw.
6. Tony Stewart crashes out early in the Bud Shootout… just because NASCAR went to such great lengths to get him in.
5. Michael Waltrip hires Chad Knaus away from Hendrick to be his crew chief.
4. Mauricia Grant teams up with Bruton Smith and they make the Frances an offer they can’t refuse.
3. The new ideas NASCAR is going to come up with to hide empty seats.
2. Kyle Busch follows in his big brother’s footsteps into a life of mediocrity.
1. Barack Obama picks Brian France to be his Secretary of Screwing Up Anything Good, thus saving NASCAR and realizing Brian’s true calling all at the same time.
About the author
The Frontstretch Staff is made up of a group of talented men and women spread out all over the United States and Canada. Residing in 15 states throughout the country, plus Ontario, and widely ranging in age, the staff showcases a wide variety of diverse opinions that will keep you coming back for more week in and week out.