This week, it was announced that Dale Earnhardt Jr., for the first time, will serve as a crew chief in a NASCAR national series race.
Earnhardt will serve as crew chief for JR Motorsports driver Connor Zilisch after NASCAR suspended Mardy Lindley having too many lug nuts lose after a race.
Frontstretch has obtained a (very fake) transcript of Earnhardt’s job interview for the position, conducted by an oblivious temp agency supervisor.
We at Frontstretch don’t know how temp agencies work.
Supervisor: So, it says here on your resume you go by a lot of names. Dale Earnhardt Jr, Dale Jr., June Bug, The Pied Piper, The Boss Man and Water Cooler Dale. Oh, and, uh, Ralph. What’s your preferred name?
Earnhardt: You can just call me Junior.
Supervisor: Good, you don’t strike me as the Ralph type. All right, Junior it is. Let’s see here. You’re interested in the position of interim crew chief at JR Motorsports for an assignment in the Pocono Mountains this weekend. Is that correct?
E: You betcha.
S: Do you have any previous experience in the crew chief field?
E: Well, I was briefly a dealership service mechanic for my dad.
S: When was this?
E: Oh, ’bout 35 years ago.
S: That’s been … a while.
E: Don’t matter, I have lots of experience working in cars.
S: Wait … in cars?
E Oh yeah, spent damn near most of my time in them, talking to this crew chief or that crew chief. Telling ’em what was going on with the car, what I hated about the car. You know, that sort of thing.
S: But no actual crew chiefing experience?
E: Nope.
S: Are you good at working with a team?
E: Lots of ’em. Sometimes with three teams at once. But I just got done workin’ with this great team in the pancake industry.
S: I’m glad you brought that up, because based on your resume you have … extensive references in a cornucopia of industries. Wrangler, AC-Delco, Anheuser-Busch, PespiCo, Microsoft, NBC Universal, Ally Financial and, is this correct, the National Guard?
E: Spent a long time with them.
S: Well, thank you for your service.
E: Wait …
S: Where do you think you produced your best work?
E: Anheuser-Busch, for sure. Had a lot of wins there. Recently got the boys back together for a job in South Carolina. Had a blast.
S: How did you hear about this JR Motorsports opening, um, Junior?
E: You see, yesterday afternoon my sister Kelley yelled down the hall from her office. Said the No. 88 team was looking for a last-minute replacement. Something about a lack of lug nuts. I got to thinking about it. I’ve done a lot of stuff in my career.
S: Clearly.
E: But I ain’t never done that. So I thought, ‘Why the hell not?’
S: What makes you think you’re the right pick for this position?
E: Oh, that’s easy.
*Earnhardt places trophies for the 2014 Pocono 400 and the 2014 GoBowling.com 400 on the supervisor’s desk*
S: Is … that a bald eagle majestically soaring through the air with an American flag in its talons?
E: Hell yeah.
S: OK, then. Are there any potential conflicts you have in your work schedule for the weekend?
E: Well, I’ve got this Amazon gig in the middle of the day. But that’s between crew chief shifts. My bosses should be fine with it.
S: Junior, you clearly have enthusiasm for the position and an … eclectic work history. When you can you start?
E: Depends. Does it come with dental?
Daniel McFadin is a 10-year veteran of the NASCAR media corp. He wrote for NBC Sports from 2015 to October 2020. He currently works full time for the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette and is lead reporter and an editor for Frontstretch. He is also host of the NASCAR podcast "Dropping the Hammer with Daniel McFadin" presented by Democrat-Gazette.
You can email him at danielmcfadin@gmail.com.