Race Weekend Central

Top Ten Likely Causes For The Big One This Weekend

*10.* Tony Stewart tries to goose Kevin Harvick on the backstretch.

*9.* Kasey Kahne and Casey Mears compare insurance policies, and there’s a heated incident with a gecko and a fire extinguisher…

*8.* Jeff Gordon, showcasing his ability to find new ways to lose this season, will be wrecked when a meteor hits the hood of his car, taking the field with him.

Top Ten Pre-Race Rituals for Chasers Other Than Tony Stewart

*10.* Jeff Gordon: Burns an effigy of the creator of The Chase. After all, if not for him, he’d have five, maybe six Championships.

*9.* Kyle Busch: Something different than he had been doing before the Chase, obviously.

*8.* Martin Truex, Jr.: Nothing really as he keeps forgetting that he’s actually IN the Chase.

Top Ten Reasons Dodge is Really Leaving NASCAR

*10.* MOPAR engines only work their best when fully carbureted. Screw this fuel injection crap, we’re outta here!

*9.* Tired of incessant comparisons to “Dodge-Em” bumper cars every stinking time someone used the chrome horn.

*8.* “NASCAR? We don’t need no stinking NASCAR!”

*7.* Top execs running the company DO have ADHD–we’re in! We’re out! We’re in again! We’re out!–and were afraid they too would test positive for Adderall.

Top 10 Improvements Pocono Raceway Should Make Next

*10.* Loop-de-loop that doubles as Turn 4. We know it can be done after “Tanner Foust and Greg Tracy did it at the X Games!”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0Y8tmRYYiA

*9.* Giant sinkhole placed on the outside groove of the Tunnel Turn. Hey, it’s the drivers’ fault for saying it’s gotten too easy!

*8.* Pace car replaced by herd of local deer. Cars must follow regardless of where they wind up.

*7.* Blindfold the leader every 50 laps and see just how good his spotter really is.