Race Weekend Central

Top Ten Alternative Punishments for Drivers Who Say Things NASCAR Doesn't Like

<div style=\"float:right; width:250px; margin: 20px; border: black solid 1px; padding: 3px;\"><img src=\"http://www.frontstretch.com/images/15498.jpg\" width=\"250\" height=\"408\"/><p style=\"margin: 3px; text-align: left; font-weight:bold;\">Six weeks of carrying Jimmie Johnson's beard Flowbee.</p></div> *10.* Six weeks of driving Jennifer Jo Cobb’s car. *9.* Drafting with a rookie driver at all restrictor plate tracks until further notice. *8.* Write 1,000 times on the bulletin board, \"I love Gen-6.\" Make that 2,000 times if you forget the hyphen. *7.* Six weeks, two hours a day, of listening to Chad Knaus telling you how smart he is. *6.* Six weeks as Brian France’s designated driver. *5.* Must wear giant, scarlet pair of lips on front of race uniform. *4.* Must attend four-week \"How To Plug Your Sponsors In a Positive Manner\" course taught by Michael Waltrip. *3.* Chartered flights piloted by Jack Roush for two months … in a Hendrick plane. *2.* Be hypnotized to say \"I love NASCAR\" every time you hear Brian France's name. *1.* Remember the pink fire suit with the kittens, puppies, and little baby seals? \"Contact the Frontstretch Staff\":http://www.frontstretch.com/contact/14345/

Top Ten Things Ryan Newman Was Thinking As He Walked Away From His Phoenix Crash

<div style=\"float:right; width:250px; margin: 20px; border: black solid 1px; padding: 3px;\"><img src=\"http://www.frontstretch.com/images/14463.jpg\" width=\"250\" height=\"390\"/><p style=\"margin: 3px; text-align: left; font-weight:bold;\">I can't believe I thought it would be cool to try and grow a beard like Jimmie's! This stubble itches something fierce under the helmet–must shave now!</p></div> *10.* Oh, well…. at least now I can check on my fantasy racing league. *9.* Man, all those free Bloomin' Onions are still weighing me down. *8.* I swear the GPS said to turn right. *7.* One of my cows just had another calf. I gotta hurry and get home to see how they are doing. *6.* Somebody said something about a fight going on back here. Where is it? *5.* This gives me a chance to show off my sponsors a little more. Please re-up. Please! *4.* Where the heck did I see that Port a Potty? *3.* This NASCAR green movement is taking things a bit far… *2.* Who thought it would be funny to put the rattlesnakes from the hill under my seat? *1.* I'm no Clint Bowyer, but I can move pretty fast, too! \"Contact the Frontstretch Staff\":http://www.frontstretch.com/contact/14345/

Top Ten Ways To Celebrate A Daytona 500 Victory: The Jimmie Johnson Edition

*10.* Wear a multi-colored wig in Victory Lane –oh, wait, already did that.

*9.* Surf on a golf cart–no, damn it, did that, too.

*8.* Surf on the hauler—what do you mean ‘oh, hell, no, not after the golf cart incident?!’

*7.* Do lots of donuts—what do you mean, ‘Jimmie, don’t tear up the car?!’ Um, oops…

Top Ten Rejected Fan Votes For The Sprint Unlimited

*10.* The Encore:* Choose what Juan Pablo Montoya will blow up THIS year!

*9.* New windshield name decals replaced with Twitter handles. The driver with the most new followers gets the victory.

*8.* Dunk the Dodo: Fans select one lucky driver to sit in a dunk tank during driver intros, while the rest take their best shot at him as they walk across the stage.

Throwback Thursday: Top Ten NASCAR Driver Letters To Santa

_Attention, NASCAR fans… welcome to Throwback Thursday! Every week, from now until the start of the 2013 season we’ll be giving you, our readers the favorite stories we treasure from our writers over the past few seasons. Today we focus on Amy Henderson, a former NMPA Award Winner and one of the site’s Managing Editors who shares some pieces near and dear to her heart._

_From Amy: I chose this piece because, well, ’tis the season, and even though it’s a little dated (it was, after all, written in 2006!), it brings back memories of races, rivalries, commercials, and sponsors past, and it still makes me laugh out loud. It’s also interesting to see, all these years later how much has changed in the sport … and how much has stayed the same._

Top 10 Alternative Punishments For Jeff Gordon

*10.* A deadly combo of the mullet and the porn ‘stache become mandatory for all of 2013.

*9.* Must hold Brad Keselowski’s cell phone during every race.

*8.* Ordered to become Kurt Busch’s emergency public relations representative, hired for inappropriate / crisis situations only.

Top Ten Things That ALSO Dropped Out Of the Sky at Texas

*10.* An errant pass thrown by Dallas Cowboys’ Tony Romo. How can a team with so much talent be so bad?!

*9.* A late-race case of the “whineys” from Jimmie Johnson and Kyle Busch over Brad Keselowski’s restarts.

*8.* A real sense of apathy by fans, as evidenced by the available seating in the stands.

Top Ten Costumes Seen At The NASCAR Halloween Party

*10.* *Danica Patrick:* Wears a seductive costume, exposing as much skin as possible, then bumps into the person holding the candy, yells at them as if it’s their fault and then has her agent swoop in and steal it.

*9.* *Mystery Debris:* Unknown guest pretends to be invisible, then jumps out at inappropriate times, screaming to change the vibe of the party before making out with one random person just to “make their night.” (AKA Hand them the race)