BSNews, a wholly disowned subsidiary of Frontstretch.com, has learned that the CEOof NASCAR, Brian France, will step down as the head of the sanctioning body following the conclusion of the 2014 racing season.
The news has been received by both fans and teams with shock and incredulousness, and was announced early this morning from the headquarters ofNASCAR in Daytona Beach, Florida.
“I feel — and I have been mulling this over for a long time, longer than many of you may have or have not known and it has just been gnawing at my gut; you know this isn’t easy — that it is time for me to step away from the helm,” a blustery-eyed France said during an early morning news conference. “It’s a position I have cherished, relished and any other host of condiments you may think of, but it’s time to pursue other opportunities that have arisen for me.”
“While at this time, I am not yet prepared to announce my successor, I can assure you that he — and it is a he because my dad and granddad would roll over in their graves if one of the women in our family actually ran the business and you know, well, while the country is ready for diversity in the oval office, race fans, I don’t think are ready for a woman to run it yet — will continue to build on the strong foundation, a foundation that has taken me over 10 years to build, and continue with going forward and building the revenue, ratings and fan base.”
France refused to answer questions at the end of his announcement and hurried off from the podium, presumably in search for fresh ice.
Sources familiar with the situation that declined to be identified have hinted that France has a new job lined up. He’ll become the campaign and branding manager for Hillary Clinton’s bid for the oval office in 2016.
Numerous attempts to contact Hillary have gone unanswered. However, former President Bill Clinton, in a tweet posted just after the Daytona Beach bombshell, said he was really getting to like the Sprint girls and has not only been watching a lot ofNASCAR lately, but was also considering starting a new Sprint Framily. That tweet has since been deleted.
Unsurprisingly, none of the various NASCAR teams have yet responded to the news and are likely waiting until more details are announced. At the time of this posting, the only activity from anyone associated in anyway with NASCAR was a tweet by Ricky Stenhouse, Jr., asking the question, “Who is Hillary Clinton?”
Stay tuned to Frontstretch.com for further updates as this stunning story develops.
Stay off the wall (especially on April Fool’s Day!)
About the author
Jeff is one of the longest-tenured staffers at Frontstretch, starting his second decade as the resident humorist and pain-in-the-butt that keeps NASCAR (and his fellow co-workers) honest. Writing Voices From The Cheap Seats, every Tuesday, his BSNews! Segments along with alter ego “Stu Padasso” have developed a large following. Jeff makes his home in Tennessee and is a Bristol groupie, camping out for the August night race every year since he can remember.
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