10. With the change of NASCAR’s dress code for the garage area, the scenery around his stall and pits should be a heck of a lot nicer.
9. He’ll have an ice cream flavor/sundae named after him. Too bad it’s not by Ben and Jerry.
8. He personally talked to Brian France and now realizes that, damn, Jeff Meyer was right all along.
7. He’ll finally realize that there really are way too many NASCAR-related television shows out there.
6. Won’t have to wear his “hard card” around his neck anymore and can keep it in his pants where it belongs.
5. He’ll come to the sudden realization that all of his future birthdays are probably gonna be downers in comparison.
4. UPS suddenly became his favorite shipping company and now has a wittier reply to “What can Brown do for you?”
3. Joined an elite group of three racers who won the first race of the season across NASCAR’s top-three divisions. All of them scored exactly zero points under Brian’s new, easier-to-understand points system.
2. Uses a bit more confidence when hitting on stewardesses.
1. Has suddenly stopped taking Derrike Cope’s calls and prays to God he doesn’t become “that guy.”
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