Author’s Note: A special “thank you” to all those on our Frontstretch Forums and some Frontstretch staff who contributed to this list. Sorry I couldn’t use them all! (Don’t worry, I will serve any suspension that may arise from the publication of this list!)
10. “All them other rednecks took him snipe hunting and he was late for the start.”
9. “NASCAR was raided by INS, so Juan had to hide for a while.”
8. “He couldn’t find a pair of jumper cables to get his car started.”
7. “He’s probably over at the Hendrick trailer stealing parts.”
6. “Maybe he’s out eating a ‘taco,’ if you know what I mean!”
5. “Couldn’t get his helmet over his sombrero.”
4. “He had to make sure hired hand, Juan Valdez, wasn’t just sitting on his ass and was actually getting the family ‘crop’ in.”
3. “Maybe his hands cramped up from making those funky gang signs.”
2. “Maybe he swung by Michael Waltrip’s place to give him a ride and they ended up at the wrong track.”
1. “He had to deliver a special order of ‘Juablow’ to the JC France residence.”
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