BSNews! Phoenix Racing Welcomes Matt Kenseth

With the announcement that the last REAL NASCAR champion, Matt Kenseth, will be leaving Roush Fenway Racing, speculation has run rampant as to where the 2003 series champion (back before all this Chase BS(News!) will be driving in 2013.

Of course, many who claim to be ‘in the know’ are sure that Joey Logano will be fired from Joe Gibbs Racing and that Kenseth will enjoy a revived career in the No. 20 car. Others, who claim to be ‘more in the know’ then the ‘many’ are just as adamant that the No. 22 of Penske fame is Matt’s new home, leaving poor (but handsome) AJ Allmendinger filling out unemployment papers.

Even more ‘others,’ who claim to be ‘even more in the know than those foolish many others,’ have the 2003 champ displacing Stewart-Haas’s Ryan Newman in the No. 39! In the end, none of them had a clue.

BSNews, a partially owned subsidiary of Frontstretch, has learned the truth of where Kenseth will end up and some of the real reasons behind the surprise move.

“I am pleased to announce that I will once again be united with my old teammate and BFF, Kurt Busch, at Phoenix Racing,” said Kenseth in a interview with BSNews reporter, Stu Padasso. “I’ve missed Kurt so much since he left RFR. It just hasn’t been the same.”

Busch, of course, was NASCAR’s first Chase champion one year after Kenseth won his Winston title in ’03.

“Since Kurt left, I’ve always felt that I was sort of ‘bullied’ by some of the other drivers at RFR,” said Kenseth. “It is well documented how Carl Edwards threatened me with physical violence a few years ago and now, while we are cordial in the public eye, he’s still bullying me by taking away my fans, my sponsors, even my ‘lunch money’ as it were, with that huge contract Jack [Roush] gave him.”

“Now here I sit, a true champion, lacking sponsorship, taking a pay cut and playing second fiddle to the media darling ‘Cousin Carl.’ I just couldn’t take it anymore. That’s when Kurt called me and we had a nice long talk. I sat back and thought to myself, ‘see how it worked out for Kurt!’

“He left RFR because he felt bullied by Jack taking most of his ‘souvenir’ monies and took steps to remedy that by going to Penske. Of course, he’s moved on from that gig since then, but to hear him tell it, he’s got a much sweeter deal at Phoenix.”

Phoenix Racing’s general manager, Steve Barkdoll, confirmed that souvenir money did in fact play a part in landing another premier driver for the relatively new race team.

“Yeah, we got a couple of boxes of shirts and hats for Kurt and we offered the same deal to Matt,” said Barkdoll. “Both drivers will get to keep 100% of any net earnings the sale of those shirts or hats may generate. In fact, I’m expecting the UPS truck at anytime to deliver Matt’s stuff. Getting to be the general manager of a race team that features not one, but two, past champions is the most exciting thing that has happened to me in all my years in NASCAR. We are proud to have them.”

While the shirts and hats for Matt have been ordered, Phoenix Racing, in a move described as ‘to preserve a bit of mystery for the remainder of the silly season,’ has declined to disclose the number of the car that Matt will be racing.

“Hey, we got to give you media guys SOMETHING to speculate about,” said Barkdoll with a sly grin.

BSNews asked Edwards about his feelings of Matt’s sudden departure from RFR.

“Matt … Matt … Oh! Was he that little guy from … Wisconsin I think it was? Yeah, I remember him. He was an OK dude, for an old guy. He left?! Well good luck to him wherever he goes.”

-Stu Padasso

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